Youthful therapists reaching young people

Hayley Jorgensen, AMFT

Young adults who barely left the teenage years themselves are connecting with troubled teens. Associate Marriage and Family Therapist Hayley G Jorgensen, 26 encourages normalizing therapy and offers advice on current issues aiing our youth today.

What qualifies you to work with youth?

My training, particularly the clinic where I work specializes in youth intensive outpatient programs. A lot of my clinic specific training is in that regard. My schooling is more broad. I definitely took an interest more in my youth classes.

Some people would say it’s not a qualification, but me being a younger therapist, I can connect much more with the youth and just really get in deeper with them more than some of my older, more stern coworkers can.

A big part of my work is getting kids comfortable with expressing their emotions, talking to another person, figuring out the wording to the point they don’t need me anymore because they now know how to express themselves.

What signs should a parent look for and at what point should a parent seek professional help for a child?

It really depends what the particular struggle is. I get a lot of clients post hospitalization for suicide ideation or attempts. Those are the ones that come to my clinic and end up in my outpatient program.

So signs would be if you’re noticing withdrawing or drawing away from friends or big changes in their personality or my kid’s not quite who they’ve always been. You have to be mindful of puberty though. Have conversations with your kids and try to learn from them. Notice if they’ve just not been themselves, they’ve been more burnt out at school, way more closed off, or more time in their room.

When parents are trying to see what’s happening and they can’t figure it out, I love to normalize it. It’s normal to go get help. It's like, you need to talk to someone and you don’t want to talk to me, so let’s go talk to someone else. If something seems off, get them in to see someone because it's just life skills they learn that they will use forever.

What does suicide ideation mean?

Thoughts of suicide. In the therapy world we actually really normalize that. There’s times when you don’t want to wake up in the morning. This is more common than we think it is, but we track for if there’s ever a plan, even if it's vague — then we are worried and we are on top of it and calling in people. Ideation is if suicide crosses their mind.

What issues are unique to this generation?

I have noticed a huge difference in their ability to connect with others. We’ve got the digital age and they do connect with others via technology which has some good aspects to it, because connection is beautiful, but it gets really hard.

I had a client where that was their only connection with others and refused to go to school and started to become stunted developmentally because It was only digital connection they had with others. That patient came to our outpatient group because it’s group therapy and we need to teach you how to make connections with other kids.

The power of the kids being able to connect with each other, it makes leaps and bounds of a difference. In the digital world, you’re getting comparisons and feelings of being left out which can contribute to low self-esteem which can often go on to suicide ideation. To counteract it, we do a lot of connection work.

What advice would you give to parents of young children to prepare to deal with teenagers?

Be flexible with the transitions in their lives. You’ve got these precious little kids and they love to play with toys, but they’re going to shift away from that. What are their interests? As a parent, let’s be involved, finding new ways to connect. What are ways they’re going to accept you being involved? Especially, especially, especially when I work with young girls, when we can find a way for them to connect with their dads, it is wild how helpful that is and the big shift that it makes.

Is there a stigma for youth who see therapists?

Yes. I would say yes because I have so many youth who come in and say, “Why am I here?” “There’s nothing wrong with me.” Or “My parents are making a big deal out of nothing.” It’s not necessarily cool to see a therapist, but there’s a huge shift because of those who do see therapists and get help. They find that community and acceptance. That’s my favorite thing about group therapy, it’s like, guess what you guys, you’re all getting therapy. You can’t hide from each other.

Are there any red flags a parent should look for in a therapist?

Yes. One thing in a general sense is you have to give it some time, but you really want your child to connect with their therapist and to feel comfortable with them. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time. I say you get a good feel for that after three sessions. That’s when the therapist is going to connect the most. If that’s not working and you don’t see hope with it, that’s tricky.

You need open communication with the parents too. If the therapist doesn’t try to talk to the parent for at least five minutes, they should. You have to keep the child’s confidence, but they should assure you that if there is something big and important, the therapist will work with the child to tell you themselves.

What’s the average age you treat?

Average for me is 14. I love my 12 year olds. My outpatient groups are 14-18. That’s my bread and butter.

If you have concerns about a loved one please visit Talking to Teens.

Photo credit: Ammon Jorgensen